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It's my birthday

Bismillah.

It's my birthday today, and for some reason that I do not know myself,  I am feeling a tiny bit sad.
Writing this post,  accompanied by my own blog song, brought out all the feelings hidden in me. 
So here's my birthday rant
I met a good friend of mine weeks ago and she said to me,  what do you want to achieve by 30 years old? 
And I said,  I don't know how to put my dreams into words, but one thing for sure is,  I have a dream.
Life has been tough, for me, and for the people around me And the silence, is deafening Though there are times I wish to close my ears, the loud silence kept on bothering me
The biggest challenge for my own self for the past year is,  to be able to look at the goods of Allah's plans
And I know, I'm still failing at it
I was and still am haunted by my own failures, as well as the blurry future that I have yet to explore
I want to believe that Your plan is the best plan of all so Lord, help me please.
I am actually sad with everythi…

what happened

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Entered the bus, browsing through the seats for any empty spot
None.
Actually there is, but it's a window seat,
and there's somebody sitting on the aisle seat.
Not in the mood to ask for a favour anyway, just head on straight to the back
Three guys, with gangster-looking face on the 5-seats row
Never mind, I just want to sit
Sat down on the aisle seat facing the back of the bus
But no, I'm not facing the back
Swung my legs to the side, and staring blankly to the front

What is going on in my life, I asked silently in my heart
I don't know what went wrong, answered myself
Still staring blankly ahead
Wondering of the future
When suddenly...

My glasses start to fog
What happened, I asked again
Nothing.
Just nothing.
Probably just the warmth of the bust
Just maybe

It's the tears, feel it
Lifted the right hand lazily
Yes, it's the tears
It's there, on both cheeks
Am I crying, thinking to myself
Probably I am, said to myself
They didn't stop
They kept flowing

I want to be the reason you hold on

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Bismillah.

4 days left 'til the first CA (or the 3rd CA, whichever way you see it), but I found a photo that made me want to write something, which is rare.


These past few weeks, I've been receiving questions from people, asking me how am I doing now.
And also a few people with an even rare question, why do you stay 'here' after all these?

I was on a train from Liverpool back to Manchester last weekend, and somebody asked me a very tough question.
She initially just wanted to be updated about my story, in which to her surprise, many things have changed in my life, which some of you might know about.

And her last question to me was, have you ever blame this DnT for everything that happened? (1)

Which brings my memory back to when I was walking home from an event with someone, and she said to me, why do you still care when everyone just doesn't care anymore? (2) And she admitted to not being able to care about anything or anyone anymore.

Okay, here's the thing.

W…

I'm sorry, I lied

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

If I have ever told you 'I'm okay'
I'm sorry,
I lied.

If I answered 'Nothing happened'
to your concerned questions,
I'm sorry,
I lied.

If I kept on smiling
as if nothing bad ever happened in my life,
I'm sorry
I lied.

If I have ever agreed to your compliment of 'You're very strong!'
I'm sorry,
I lied.

If my advice to you is always
'Life is simple, don't complicate it.'
I'm sorry,
I lied.

If we have fought
And I ended up going silent and saying 'It's okay'
I'm sorry,
I lied.

If I said 'I don't miss you', or 'I don't love you'
The likelihood is high that...
I'm sorry,
I lied.

If you have ever asked me about my life,
And my answer was always 'Nothing interesting'
I'm sorry,
I lied.


I am probably the world's biggest liar,
Because my life is all about secrets and mystery.

I've never had a person whom I open up to 100%
and I don't know if…

My personal tips on how to handle someone who's spilling their problems or tears to you ver. 1.0

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Assalamualaikum w.b.t. everybody!

I decided to go on a more practical post this time around, instead of just me ranting about my life.
Sorry because I couldn't think of a shorter title for this post haha.
Well, but at least it's self-explanatory.

So, I've had quite a number of people, from my primary till now, who said that they feel comfortable telling me their problems or crying to me. Therefore, I've looked back upon my life, and put up few things that might be contributory to this.


1.   First and foremost, what matters most is your mindset. Not just the speaker's mindset, but the listener's mindset as well. Don't be annoyed, don't be mad, don't be lazy. Everyone has their tough times, and so do you. And so, don't you want someone to whole-heartedly lend you their ears when its your time? So, why don't you want to do the same?

2.   Always be ready to lend your whole body. Not just your ears to listen to them, and not just your shoulders f…

ini, bukan mati

Awan hujan
Bukan awan tak redha
Awan berat
Tak larat lagi nak tampung
Jadi dia mendung dan turun

Mentari terang
Bukan mentari tak sedih
Mentari paksa
Sebab mentari dia
Kena selalu kuat bernyala

Dan yang Atas
Tak pernah zalim
Kalau hujan pun Dia Rahman
Kalau terang pun Dia Rahim

Sebab yang merah di dalam
Hanya yang Alim faham
Yang kau perlukan jam
Untuk kembali cantum dan aman

Tapi
Kalau hujan sentiasa
Boleh banjir
Lemas

Dan tapi
Kalau terang sentiasa
Boleh kemarau
Kontang

Selain yang merah
Di dalam juga ada lagi seketul yang gah
Fikir
Guna yang gah itu
Fikir

Bangun, berlari lagi
Ini, bukan mati

- F.L. -


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